Wednesday, March 25, 2015

The Dream


"Syarat Mati tidak harus Tua mahupun Sakit". It can happen in split seconds. It can be ourselves or people around us.

The dream I dreaded to have dreamt. But Allah swt wants to tell me sth from it for sure.

I woke up this morning feeling awful. I looked around for my husband. Clearly he's not in bed anymore. That got me chilled and feeling a lil more nervous than I could ever have. I walked out the room and found him sitting on the floor; lipat kain. At that point of time I feel so--relieved. MashaAllah never thought I would feel so scared of not having him around.

"Ayang mimpi Abang mati."

I burst into tears. Teresak2 bagai anak kecil. Lama. I stayed still in his arms. Feel so grateful he is still breathing, alive!

"Ayang ingat ayang kuat kalau abang takde. But that's not true." I cried even more.

In that dream, my husband, my bestfriend, my life--died. And I feel like I'm in a crazy person.

The dream was so real. I feel the pain--like there's this hole in my heart that only those who lost a loved one of death can understand. Losing them forever, you know...

He went for an expedition in the jungle and fell off the cliff. He died with the rest of the crew. (I am crying as i typed this down).

And the days goes by and none of the day I didn't think of him, didn't talk about him and reminiscing about how he said this and did that and how we promised to go to Makkah for Hajj and all.

Everything becomes so important now. Even the littlest thing.

I think I cried the whole dream. It's so heartbreaking. Tak tertanggung perasaan dia. My eyes feel sore because I cried so much. It really feels so real. And I still cry now mashaAllah.

As I sat down after solat, I make duaa. Of course all the good thing. I ponder upon the dream I just had, or yet given to me. Allah wants me to learn sth from it.

In that dream I found I made people around feel sick and annoyed as I could never moved on. I still linger with the past of wanting and wishing him to be still alive. There are always this "If only..." in my words. And I never stop crying and not seeing that others want me to be happy. I was too selfish. I was a burden.

And the one thing that I really learn from the dream is to give the best of me to those I love, everyday, everytime. Because I do not know who will be taken back Home first. It can be me or
ou. And if it happened, we can never turn back time. Period.

So seize the day, friends.

Say it, do it, make it happen. For we never know what future holds for us. Not even a slightest idea.

May Allah keep our loved ones safe and sound. And if death takes its place, may Allah shower us with strength and calmness and strong believe for the hikmah to come. Keep well and stay safe, everyone.

Lots of love from me.