Do not love half lovers

Do not love half lovers

Do not entertain half friends
Do not indulge in works of the half talented
Do not live half a life and do not die a half death

If you choose silence, then be silent
When you speak, do so until you are finished
Do not silence yourself to say something
And do not speak to be silent

If you accept, then express it bluntly
Do not mask it

If you refuse then be clear about it
for an ambiguous refusal
is but a weak acceptance

Do not accept half a solution
Do not believe half truths
Do not dream half a dream
Do not fantasize about half hopes

Half a drink will not quench your thirst
Half a meal will not satiate your hunger
Half the way will get you no where
Half an idea will bear you no results

Your other half is not the one you love
It is you in another time yet in the same space
It is you when you are not

Half a life is a life you didn't live,
A word you have not said
A smile you postponed
A love you have not had
A friendship you did not know

To reach and not arrive
Work and not work
Attend only to be absent

What makes you a stranger to them closest to you
and they strangers to you

The half is a mere moment of inability
but you are able for you are not half a being

You are a whole that exists
to live a life not half a life

Kahlil Gibran

After more than a decade, I'm here again

Bismillah. It has been so long. A decade passed and life has evolved tremendously. Both for me and for you. No?

As for me, through these years, I have graduated with master degree in 2019 and now pursuing my PhD. Initially I studied PhD in Sociology at Ibn Haldun Universitesi, Istanbul back in 2022 fully funded by the university. Due to some hiccups I am now continuing my PhD at ISTAC-IIUM in the area of Peace and Security. Received a full scholarship here too but had to turn it down as I decided to take up a new responsibility as a civil servant. On a rough patch, I underwent divorce in 2021 while navigating through the new normals of Covid-19 pandemic and adjusting myself as a new 'mom of four'. I had to admit that it was tough and overwhelming. It broke me like never before. The ones who were with me through the storms knew how bad it was. I tried so hard to save the boat from sinking, but alone, I just couldn't do it. Albeit, I'm glad that everyone survived and that life has been good.

The past few years was challenging yet cultivating at the same time. I see myself growing into someone new at every turn. "We grow through what we go through", as the saying goes, embracing changes in life as it unfolds. While some elevates, some are just very humbling.

These changes, says Rumi, they are nothing but another temporary visitor with stories to tell and lessons to learn. They must all be welcomed and cherished. Even when they come knocking at your door handing out sadness and heartbreaks, misfortune and remorse. We must let them in, sit with them, listen them out, give love and show kindness. And when the time comes for them to leave, be sure to bid them farewell--in gratitude. They sure have enriched us in a way we could never have thought nor imagined.

Alhamdulillah ala kulli haal. Qadarallah wa ma sya faal. 

Thank you Allah.

Despite all the mishaps, I am blessed with these four precious gifts sent from above

P/s: Since I am back, let me know if there's anything you wished for me to write about. I am thinking of moving my #PearlsofUmmNoura here, but perhaps starting it anew. Drop a comment for suggestion if you're reading this.

For Mak & Ayah, with Love

IIUM 27th Convocation

10th October 2011

Ayah, Mak,

Terima Kasih atas segalanya.

Terutama dalam mendidik Kakak agar menjadi Muslimah Mu'minah sejati.

Semoga ALlah berkati kalian fiddunya wal aakhirah.

Salam Sayang,

Kakak

2:35 - 2:40

i carry your heart with me

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

By: Edward Estlin Cummings


[Found this while doing revision on 'Stylistic in Poetry' with Nik Izyani and Kak Didi in (IIUM) Library, 22:00:00 April 7, 2011. Fallen in love with its lexical and semantic cohesions (with mine). ;)]